Hadees 3 — ʿUqūq al-Wālidayn — Disobedience to Parents among the Major Sins عقوق الوالدين

1 · The chapter — al-Bukhari's heading is his ruling #

• The bāb is بَاب عُقُوقِ الْوَالِدَيْنِ مِنَ الْكَبَائِرِ — Bāb ʿUqūq al-Wālidayn min al-Kabāʾir, "disobedience to parents is among the major sins."
• As always with Imam al-Bukhari, the heading is itself the conclusion he derives from the hadiths he then cites (Fiqh al-Bukhārī fī tarājimih: his juristic reasoning lives in his chapter titles). You met this method in Lessons 1 and 2. He takes the ruling that emerges from the narrations and makes it the chapter name.
• The ruling stated plainly: acting contrary to one's parents, disobeying them, failing to do good to them, is a kabīrah min al-kabāʾir — a major sin among the major sins.

2 · First hadith — al-Mughīra ibn Shuʿba: three forbidden, three disliked #

Reported from al-Mughīra ibn Shuʿba raḍiyallāhu ʿanhu, from the Prophet ﷺ:

Inna-llāha ḥarrama ʿalaykum ʿuqūqa-l-ummahāt, wa-waʾda-l-banāt, wa-manaʿa wa-hāt; wa-kariha lakum qīla wa-qāl, wa-kathrata-s-suʾāl, wa-iḍāʿata-l-māl.

"Indeed Allah has forbidden you: disobedience to mothers, burying daughters alive, and 'withholding and demanding'. And He has disliked for you: idle talk — 'it was said and he said' — excessive questioning, and squandering wealth."

Six items in two groups of three — learn which group each belongs to:

3 · Second hadith — Abū Bakrah: the greatest of the major sins #

From Abū Bakrah raḍiyallāhu ʿanhu, that the Messenger of Allah ﷺ said:

A-lā unabbiʾukum bi-akbari-l-kabāʾir? Qālū: balā yā Rasūlallāh. Qāla: al-ishrāku billāh, wa-ʿuqūqu-l-wālidayn. Wa-kāna muttakiʾan fa-jalasa fa-qāla: a-lā wa-qawlu-z-zūr wa-shahādatu-z-zūr. Fa-mā zāla yukarriruhā ḥattā qulnā: laytahu sakat.

"Shall I not inform you of the greatest of the major sins?" — asked three times. They said, "Yes indeed, O Messenger of Allah." He said: "Associating partners with Allah, and disobedience to parents." He had been reclining; then he sat up and said: "Beware — and false speech, and false testimony." And he kept repeating it until we said, "Would that he had fallen silent."

• The two words, kept apart: qawl az-zūr = speaking falsehood, uttering lying words · shahādat az-zūr = bearing false witness, giving false testimony.
• The narrator's eye for detail: the Companion records the posture — the Prophet ﷺ was reclining and sat upright for this item, then repeated it over and over. The change of posture plus the repetition is how the hadith conveys its gravity; the Companions were so distressed by the repetition that they wished he would stop.
• So the greatest of the major sins named here: shirk → ʿuqūq al-wālidayn → false speech / false testimony. Again the chapter heading holds — ʿuqūq is a major sin.

4 · Third hadith — Anas ibn Mālik: the list, and the narrator's scruple #

From Anas ibn Mālik raḍiyallāhu ʿanhu, narrated through ʿUbaydullāh ibn Abī Bakr ibn Anas:

Dhukirati-l-kabāʾiru ʿinda-n-Nabiyyi ﷺ — aw suʾila ʿani-l-kabāʾir — fa-qāla: ash-shirku billāh, wa-qatlu-n-nafs, wa-ʿuqūqu-l-wālidayn. Fa-qāla: a-lā unabbiʾukum bi-akbari-l-kabāʾir? Qāla: qawlu-z-zūr — aw qāla: shahādatu-z-zūr.

"The major sins were mentioned in the presence of the Prophet ﷺ — or he was asked about the major sins — and he said: associating partners with Allah, killing a soul, and disobedience to parents. Then he said: 'Shall I not tell you of the greatest of the major sins?' He said: false speech" — or he said: "false testimony."

• The list here is shirk · qatl an-nafs (killing a soul) · ʿuqūq al-wālidayn, then the "greatest" item.
• The key point — narrator precision. The sub-narrator is not certain which of the two words the Prophet ﷺ used, so he transmits it with the doubt intact: "he said qawl az-zūr, or he said shahādat az-zūr." Shuʿbah adds that his own strongest impression was shahādat az-zūr.
• This is how carefully the Companions and the narrators guarded his ﷺ words: not one word would be attributed to him falsely. That scrupulousness is the model for handling any narration — the same care that produced a ṣaḥīḥ collection in the first place.

5 · ʿUqūq in the Qurʾān — Sūrat al-Anʿām 6:151–152 #

The ruling is not from hadith alone; the Qurʾān states it clearly in many verses. The one cited:

Qul taʿālaw atlu mā ḥarrama rabbukum ʿalaykum: allā tushrikū bihi shayʾan, wa-bi-l-wālidayni iḥsānan, wa-lā taqtulū awlādakum min imlāq — "Say: come, I will recite what your Lord has forbidden you: that you associate nothing with Him; and to parents, good treatment; and do not kill your children out of poverty."

• The exam-point: wa-bi-l-wālidayni iḥsānan is placed immediately beside the prohibition of shirk — failing to serve one's parents sits right next to associating partners with Allah.
• The same verses continue the list: do not approach immoralities (fawāḥish), open or secret — zinā being the clearest; do not kill a soul unjustly; do not consume the orphan's property wrongfully; give full measure and weight (do not cheat in dealings); be just.

6 · What exactly counts as ʿuqūq #

The definition given by al-Bukhari's commentators has two halves:

• The second half is the one people miss: it is not only positively wronging them — merely omitting the good you owe them is already ʿuqūq.
• Beyond that: shatmuhumā, sabbuhumā — reviling and cursing them; īdhāʾuhumā bi-l-kalām — wounding them with words; scolding, striking, hurting them. All of it is acting contrary to one's parents, and it is among the greatest of the major sins.
• It is reported that Allah curses the one who curses his parents — laʿana-llāhu man laʿana wālidayh.

7 · The next chapter — a man must not revile his own parents #

Bāb lā yasubbu-r-rajulu wālidayh. Among the greatest of the major sins is a man's reviling of his own parents (shatmu-r-rajuli wālidayh). The Companions were astonished — does a man really revile his own parents? The hadith, from ʿAbdullāh ibn ʿAmr raḍiyallāhu ʿanhumā:

Mina-l-kabāʾiri shatmu-r-rajuli wālidayh. Qālū: yā Rasūlallāh, wa-hal yashtimu-r-rajulu wālidayh? Qāla: naʿam — yasubbu abā-r-rajuli fa-yasubbu abāh, wa-yasubbu ummahu fa-yasubbu ummah.

"Among the major sins is a man's reviling of his own parents." They said: "O Messenger of Allah, does a man revile his own parents?" He said: "Yes — he insults another man's father, so that man insults his father; and he insults his mother, so that man insults his mother."

• The mechanism: he does not curse his own father directly. He curses someone else's father and mother, the other man returns it — and so he has caused his own parents to be cursed, and he bears that sin.
• The practical rule: do not raise your hand — or your tongue — against anyone's mother and father. Whoever insults another's parents has in effect insulted his own.
• It applies in the home too: children hurting their parents, scolding them, treating them harshly, foul words in the house.

8 · The story of Jurayj and his mother's supplication #

Jurayj was a devout worshipper (ʿābid), constantly at prayer in his place of worship.

• His mother came and called him while he was in the middle of his prayer. He weighed it up, judged his prayer more important, did not answer, and kept praying. She came a second time and a third time — each time he did not answer.
• At last, in grief and anger, she supplicated against him:

Allāhumma lā tumithu ḥattā yanẓura ilā wujūhi-l-mūmisāt — "O Allah, do not let him die until he looks upon the faces of prostitutes."

• And it came to pass: he was later falsely accused of fornication with a woman and publicly disgraced.
• The lesson drawn: never let it come to the point where your mother's heart is broken. If you wound your mother's heart, your life will not be at ease. A mother's blessing is of the utmost importance — guard it.

9 · Unpacking "manaʿ wa-hāt" #

Back to al-Mughīra's hadith, item by item. Manaʿ wa-hāt packs two opposite wrongs into two words:

Both sides are ḥarām, and this hadith establishes it. Such a man is always looking to take, never to give: he will not part with what he owes, yet is greedy for what belongs to others — grabbing wealth other people worked for.

10 · Unpacking "waʾd al-banāt" #

Waʾd al-banāt — burying infant girls alive, a practice of the Jāhiliyyah: in some tribes, when a daughter was born they could not bear the shame and would bury the child alive. The Qurʾān says:

Wa-idhā-l-mawʾūdatu suʾilat, bi-ayyi dhanbin qutilat — "And when the girl buried alive is asked: for what sin was she killed?" (Sūrat at-Takwīr 81:8–9).

On the Day of Judgement the buried infant herself is questioned about the crime committed against her. This is among the very greatest of the major sins.

11 · Unpacking "qīla wa-qāl" — and how a ruling climbs #

Qīla wa-qāl, literally "it was said, and he said." The commentary explains it as al-ḥadīthu bi-kulli mā yasmaʿ — speaking about everything one hears.

• Just because you heard something does not mean it should be repeated. Endless chatter, passing on every item of news exactly as it reached you, handing it straight to the next person — not permitted. Today's word for it: gossip.
• The principle of climbing rulings: an act that is merely permissible (mubāḥ) can become disliked (makrūh), and a disliked act can become forbidden (ḥarām), depending on how it is done.
• An analogy: playing cricket is permissible, and in moderation it is good for health — even beneficial. But if it swallows the Maghrib prayer, so the prayer is missed, it becomes ḥarām.
• Applied to gossip: passing on a piece of news may be merely permissible; if the news is unverified and false it becomes a major sin; and if it touches a person's honour, dignity and family it becomes graver still. Sins climb by degrees.

12 · Honour and dignity — and the tongue's rule #

What is at stake in qīla wa-qāl is another man's honour, his dignity, his standing. If what you circulate strips a person of his reputation or shames his family, the matter is far heavier than idle words — a person's honour is not light, easily-taken material; it can be forbidden to you the way carrion is forbidden. The ruling shifts with the person, the subject, and the harm.

Against this, hold the Prophet's ﷺ rule:

Man kāna yuʾminu billāhi wa-l-yawmi-l-ākhiri fa-l-yaqul khayran aw li-yaṣmut — "Whoever believes in Allah and the Last Day, let him speak good or remain silent."

Either be silent, or let good come out of your mouth. An upright man speaks good words; foul words, insults and abuse do not come from him.

13 · The modern form — trading in people's faults #

• There are people whose whole concern is talk — laysa lahum hammun illā-l-kalām.
• The YouTube example: a man's life may be ninety per cent sound and ten per cent flawed, and they take the ten per cent, highlight it, and hand it to society. An institution may be ninety-nine per cent good and one per cent bad, and they highlight the one per cent and drag the whole organisation's name through the mud.
• The ruling: working like that for money is ḥarām, and the earnings that feed his wife and children from it are likewise unlawful — because he is living off the destruction of another man's honour.
• The same for cheapening political organisations, sneering at ʿulamāʾ, running down Islamic institutions.
• Not a licence to ignore wrongs: nobody says mistakes must be ignored — justice must be done. But the way to correct a man is naṣīḥah, private advice: go to him personally and tell him where he went wrong. Publicising and humiliating him instead is rejected.
• The rule stated: al-maʿlūmāt qadr al-ḥājah — information to the measure of the need. Information you have no need of, do not go hunting for; information others have no need of, do not pass on. When you damage a man like that, his institution, the path he serves, his children and his household all suffer with him.

14 · Unpacking "kathrat as-suʾāl" — two senses #

Kathrat as-suʾāl — asking too much. Note carefully what it does not mean:

• On sense 1: the Jewish delegations who came to the Prophet ﷺ brought questions of exactly this trapping kind.
• On sense 2: a man who keeps asking, even for small amounts, and keeps coming back — the more he asks, the more his own standing and dignity (hayba) is worn away in people's eyes. That too is disliked. Do not make a habit of asking.

15 · Unpacking "iḍāʿat al-māl" #

The last of the three disliked things: iḍāʿat al-māl — wasting wealth, spending it on futile things. Wealth should be spent on what is beneficial and lawful, in ways that bring good in this world and the next — not thrown away on what brings neither.